It's Sunday so you know what that means. Let's talk about self care. This week I thought I would talk about a topic vs actions or things I've been doing throughout the week. For me, self love is one in one with self care but there are certainly times that I find myself frustrated with how I'm feeling, thinking, etc etc so I can be pretty hard on myself. A lot of this comes from worrying or anxious thoughts in general. If you can relate (which I'm sure anyone can as it's pretty easy to be hard on ourselves), I thought it would be a good reminder to put together a list on how we can practice self love. Keep reading for my top 5 tips to loving yourself more.
SELF LOVE LIST
1. Listen to your emotions
This is mayyybe the hardest one for me. When I was younger and going through some pretty chaotic relationships (whether that be with friends or boys) I started to build up quite the wall around myself and my feelings. I stopped letting myself feel what I was truly feeling and started consistently saying to myself "I'm fine," even when I wasn't fine. I compartmentalized all my emotions. I stopped opening up about how I was really feeling. I used to be told that I was tough as nails (which I still am) but over the past few years I have completely broke down that wall. I've never been in a space where I am more honest with myself and more open with others on how I am really feeling. Maybe this comes with age but it is a really amazing place to be at. This is a daily work in progress though. There are days I don't want to feel what I'm feeling. Whether that be anxious thoughts, sad thoughts, stressed thoughts, you name it. But I'm working on starting to really listen to how I'm feeling and solve what is happening vs sweeping it under the rug and trying to be super woman. This isn't easy, but it is making a huge difference in my life.
2. Surround yourself with a kick ass community
I am beyond blessed with the family I have. I mean, I can't say enough about how grateful I am to have a an open & honest relationship with my parents. And that really goes for every member in my family. I also can't say enough about my friends. Friends who are brutally honest (even when it's hard to hear) and keep you in check with yourself. I was literally getting dressed to go on a date and told one of my friends I didn't feel like I was looking my best and she told me to wear black so I look skinnier not "OH I'm sure you look amazing," but no, you should change. When you surround yourself with friends/family/support groups/etc who listen, love, share endless advice it totally inspires you. This kind of energy and openness is contagious and it flows into every area of your life. I don't know where I would be without my people.
3. Build your letting go muscle
This is another hard one for me. I can be the queen of holding a grudge and remembering the smallest detail and letting it bring me back to that place. It can be especially hard for me to let go of things that seemingly have no closure. Whether this be something small to something extremely big, I can't always shake it. But I'm realizing that holding on to this does nothing for me. The only thing it does is bring me back to that place and feel like I've made no progress. Not everything has to make sense or even have a resolution. So I'm working on just simply letting go and not holding on to thoughts and feelings that only weigh me down.
4. Postpone your negative thoughts
Okay, how? I'm assuming you are thinking that because that is the first thing I thought when I read this. How can you postpone how you are feeling? For me, my negative thoughts are just simply anxiety. And I agree that some anxiety is useful and needed but for the most part, the things I am feeling anxious about are useless. So anytime a thought pops into my head that is 100% useless, I'm going to say to myself "thanks, but I'll deal with this next month." Which I most definitely will try not to ever deal with but you get what I'm saying. This allows much more time to think about things that really matter and things I can actually change and impact. But I'm telling you, this is going to be hard so hold me accountable!
5. Accept and own all parts of yourself
Lastly, this! Learn to love every part of yourself. The good, the bad, the ugly. There are things about myself that I wish I could change. There are times I spend endlessly thinking about this and where I would be if I could just change that one thing. But living in what ifs can be a slippery slope. Learn to love the things that make you, you. It is a complete work in progress and can certainly be much easier to be hard on yourself but that isn't practicing self love. You have got to reach into the deepest part of your soul and really love the person that you are. Of course there is always room for personal growth and to evolve into making you the best version of yourself, but it's also important to love where you are and to be patient with where you are growing.
To end this, I've got to thank Ariana Grande. Might seem random but stick with me. She just put out a song that is speaking to my soul on every level. It's been on repeat all morning and the following words have never rung more true. "she taught me love. she taught me patience. how she handles pain that shit's amazing. i've loved and ive lost. but that's not what i see. cause look what i found." Nothing but loving herself. So here's to more of that. Happy Sunday.